Sunday, November 15, 2009

On My Pregnancy... and God's Goodness!

Many things have happened to me in the past six months - the best of which is my "pregnancy."
I still could not explain the joy I felt when I first learned that we're having a baby - our first! It felt so glorious - as if nothing else could make me happier. Believe me, if I only had enough money, I could have thrown a party for the whole neighborhood. The baby came as planned - perfect timing! Thank God!
Yet, "fear" have visited me a lot of times during these past months.
At first, I feared of what they call "morning sickness!" Thank God I never experienced it. I never even had unreasonable cravings that would make Roem, my husband, look for something to pacify me even in the middle of the night, just like other husbands do.
When I was first rushed to the hospital due to difficulty of breathing, I had my first reason to be afraid. It happened during the third month of my pregnancy. I was then diagnosed of "infection" that made me file for a sick leave.
My second taste of discomfort happened three weeks after I got out of the hospital. I was hiking, on the way to school, with a fellow teacher when suddenly I lost my vision and began grasping for air. That made me panic! The nearest hospital was one-and-a-half-hour-drive away! Thank God I was able to recover after an hour of rest.
Since then I've had a few attacks of breathing difficulty; and every time I'm in that situation, tears would keep falling while I think of my baby's safety. What if I'd lost the baby? No, I couldn't bear that!
And when I saw spots of blood in my undies last October 31, I was in panic! "Jesus!," was I all I could mutter. I kept praying, "Lord, please save our baby," as they rushed me to the hospital. I was overcome with so much fear, even when my husband kept on assuring me that God will not leave us alone, that He would save our baby. I just couldn't help it; I felt so helpless.
But God had proven His faithfulness to me one more time when I heard the doctor say that our baby is safe. Nothing more mattered to me that night but the safety of the baby in my womb. I prayed, "God, you have given this baby to us as a gift; please let the baby live so that he could be of service to You as he grows up."
Again, I am on sick leave. I have anemia, caused by pregnancy, and my blood count is to be monitored every two weeks until I give birth. I've been given lots of medicine to make sure that my hemoglobin count would be normal for me to give birth safely. I need to rest to prevent premature labor.
I still get visits from "fear," but it's no longer welcome. I have a GOD who is GREATER than my greatest fears. He is faithful and I know He'll never leave me and my baby. I know that He, too, is very excited for our precious baby to get his first glimpse of God's goodness. I know that He's already eager to hear our baby's first "Hallelujah!"

Monday, November 9, 2009

Just Why...

Have you ever tried doing the best you can to achieve something and yet you felt you haven't moved an inch towards reaching your goal? As if something's got a hold of your skirt to keep you from making even a tiny shift from your position? Phew! How frustrating!
I'm in "that" situation right now - long hours of teaching with NO favorable result. The National Achievement Test is fast approaching . How will my students fair in the test? Oh, I'm scared.
Have I failed in my profession? Maybe... Maybe not...
Too many questions are bugging me. Why are they learning too little from all our lessons since June? Why is their retention so poor? Is my strategy in teaching wrong? Am I too strict? Am I too lax? Am I a bore? (Huh, I don't think so!) But why?
Is the curriculum to be blamed? Is it too complicated for six-graders living in a remote barangay where only one out of 100 households has electricity? Do my students find it hard to cope with the demands of mastering a hundred lessons per subject area when they can't even afford to buy a liter of kerosene to keep their lamps burning as they study each night? (I even doubt if they ever did get a chance to spend a night of studying for an examination.)
Is it then because of their economic status? Does malnutrition impede their mental growth so that they can't memorize or even understand concepts "spoon-fed" to them?
Or am I just too bothered with their progress, when they don't even seem to be concerned about getting high grades and pursuing a degree someday?
Why? Is it because of the values engrafted on them by the society where they are growing up?
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Too many questions!
I'd better concentrate on drafting another lesson plan.
Can I really concentrate now?